Wednesday, 6th December
For a moment there, this morning, I thought that man of mine was going to stay in bed. He looked as if he was sound asleep but no, when I quietly asked if he wanted me to bring him up breakfast, he replied,
“No. I need to get up…”
It’s like Groundhog Day.
I picked Anneko up on my way to work – we were both running a bit late. Happy to tell you she’s a fan of Janis. Now, you don’t see too many of them at Roundhill! I can’t believe we have yet another week after this one. It feels very much as if batteries are running out and everybody’s eyes are showing signs of weariness… I forgot how bloody draining Christmas term is. Still, my morning was cool; had a great natter with one of my kids. We talked about missing people at this time of year, how most people carry some kind of loss with them and that it’s perfectly fine to talk about it. We finished laughing so I achieved something. Then, at 12.25 Harry rang me.
“I might need you to pick me up from Bristol… They’ve cancelled the train and it could be 4 hours before they’re running again!”
I messaged Gabe so he could let Nige know and wouldn’t worry, then left. Man, the traffic through Brislington was hideous. It wasn’t much better going into Bristol either; lots of roadworks and lane closures. Still, I got there in under an hour, with no mistakes. Big pat on the back for me! The drive back was easier, especially with Harry for company. He failed his Theory Test again – shame but he’s okay about it.
When we got home, Nige was sat, alone, on the sofa. He looked utterly broken; sort of confused and anxious. I rushed to his side,
“I don’t feel right. I feel bad…”
“What do you mean love? Where do you feel bad?”
“I just feel wrong. I made a mess in the bathroom – so tired… There was no one here.”
He rubbed his head as I looked around the room. The empty wine bottle was on its side on the coffee table, my Nightmare Before Christmas snow-globe was on the floor. I took him up to bed and tucked him in. He instantly looked better. On my way to sort out the bathroom (it really wasn’t a mess) the phone rang: Ann, from Dorothy House. What timing! She’s organising a doctor’s visit tomorrow. I contacted school to let them know I won’t be in. Then I finished the bathroom, made lunch, took delivery of the 3 plasterboards and collapsed on the sofa. Curling up under Nigel’s ‘Snug Bug’, I let the tears roll. Oh shit, it feels very much as if my world’s about to shatter into tiny pieces.
Nige got up for dinner and told me that he had fallen over earlier, knocking stuff off the coffee table.
“I couldn’t get up. I just laid there.”
“Oh sweetheart. Gabe was here but he was upstairs… When he was downstairs you were fast asleep!”
We get so much right most of the time, the occasional slip is absolutely allowed – we are only human. And very tired humans to boot.
As I sit here typing this, he looks much more awake. It’s bedtime…